Life is short, not to be wasted. Although I don't really, in my bones, know that I am ever going to die, reason has no doubt that it is so. And of course, the timing is unknown.
Meanwhile, there is an underlying longing that calls, pleads to be listened to. I experience it as a sensation emanating from the heart center, a beacon calling, harkening for attention, whispering of deeper resources, promising greater possibilities. It has been there a long long time, at the edge of my consciousness, almost audible. Yet it is also garbled with fears and wants, habits and protections. It is often turned away from in everyday rush and demands, routines and tiredness.
When investigated more closely, various longings are uncovered, some quite sensate and some merely self-involved. These biological impulses seek immediate comfort; even numbing comforts are gathered to my breast with gusto. Ahh, rest for the mind, satiation for the body. So human. So never-ending. So leading to sleep and continued hunger. And, yes, so short-sighted.
Is there another longing, another inner impulse, that points to a deeper satisfaction?
In the space of the present moment, in the listening of the receptive mind, there is a possibility to explore the transcendent, an investigation of satisfaction beyond the immediate sensate needs. I seek the courage to move in a way that develops a greater wisdom, an understanding of what is generative, what brings peace, what supports the expression of mankind's beauty and creativity. What fosters love, what fosters big mind, and big heart? Holding a focus on this exploration is a challenge; so many distractions.
I am shaped from within and I am shaped from without.
The inner guide is most clear in the vicinity of the heart. It is nourished by good self care, by paying careful attention in the form of meditation, journaling, art, or any practices that atune the body, heart, and spirit. I find that my commitment to these practices waivers and is inadequate to my own expectations and wishes that I move along this course of awakening. May this writing be my friend in illuminating my path.
Outer guides, people and traditions that make my heart leap in recognition and aliveness are my delight and my hope! These are fortuitous relationships that I nurture and commit to. Aikido. Richard Strozzi Heckler Sensei. Insight Meditation. Dhamma teachers. Jack Kornfield, Ajahn Sumedho, Ajahn Amaro, Thanissara. Poetry. Mary Oliver, Wendell Barry. Family. Friends. The love in the eyes of another. The sharing of another's pain. My therapist, the process of the deep space held in the work of psychotherapy. Nature. The rising of the sun with the awakening breeze of bushtits moving through the garden.
What I pay attention to, what my heart endeavors toward, becomes my contribution to this whole miasma of life on planet Earth. What I do with my mind and my heart every moment matters. It is the palette of my life. It is the foundation for all I am and all I give. Each one of us on this planet makes choices, each mind and heart are directed by these choices. These choices shape our paths, these paths coalesce into a whole. What we do, who we are MATTERS. May we choose well. May we choose mindfully. May we choose heartfully.
I announce my gratitude for all that has come together to support my mind and heart toward presence and love, curiosity and aliveness. I bow to Mindfulness, I bow to all ways that teach love and awakening.
